August 20, 2011

A STORY TO MAKE YOU FLUSH...ER, BLUSH.

I realised today, as I was fishing a toilet roll out my clogged (and freshly soiled – yuck!) toilet, that there are too many beautiful moments like these I have forgotten to share with the world via this blog: Little Harry's House.

A fascination many a mum is familiar with, is the temptation to hide household goodies in the toilet bowl – I should clarify I am referring to a child's fascination not a mother's, although I'm sure they exist too.

I have friends who have witnessed much worse in their bowls – toothbrushes, sandwiches, toys, and the...gasp...mobile phone!

It makes for an even better time – as I have experienced today – when those items are not found until post defecation when the toilet won't flush.

Goodbye baby boys, hello little men.

With his cheeky smile and his new taste for independence, comes his exploration of everything – not just toilets!

Although my mobile phone is yet to see the bottom of the toilet, it does get a good work out from those podgy little baby...er...boy, fingers.

What began as a convenient play toy, has turned into a device that he actually uses! Despite locking the keypad, Harry is capable of unlocking the phone, calling his friend's mother (and she wasn't even the last on the call list), and constantly bringing up video footage of him playing with one of his mates...and pressing play!

I had expected that one day Harry would understand technology better than me, but I thought I had a few more years!

He knows how to work the television better than Dan and I – he turns on subtitles, changes them to pink, and then when he has had enough, he turns the TV off and flicks the amp over to radio.

I had always maintained I would never be an out of touch mum, yet I fear this has already begun.

Being a mum can be a hard job, and whilst I am trying to approach it like past jobs - head down, bum up – it's an analogy that is hard to replicate when the job at hand is a clogged, soiled toilet.

There is a reason people approach toilets bum down, and not the other way around.

Poo-eee!

January 5, 2011

WHAT A YEAR

From a heart that didn't beat, to a boy that doesn't stop. What a year it has been.

My mind is busy with all that he has done, a list is forming in my head but I know it will read like that of a boastful mum.

Ah ha, the phenomenon of the bragging mother is becoming clear, for I my friends am one!

I won't bore you with Harry's (long) list of accomplishments, but let me ask you: what's your greatest achievement in the last year?

I bet it doesn't compare with my son's (sorry there I go again)!

For me the last year has been the best of my life. There were a lot of tears, stress and sleepless nights, but the rewards shine through his big bright eyes.

I have formed friendships that will last a lifetime. Made memories that no amount of time or age will fade. Created a baby who has turned into a boy, a boy that I hope I'm privileged enough to watch grow into a man.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

To my Harry. I love you pumpkin.

September 13, 2010

THE APOLOGY AND THE PLUG

Please forgive the lateness of this blog, and accept my apology along with this audacious plug.

The apology and the plug are in fact closely related. You see, I have entered the overpopulated world of the entrepreneurial stay-at-home mum, and it has consumed me.

I considered glitzing over the cheekiness of this pathetic pitch, and masking this marketing in the body of a creative and distracting collection of words - but it all seemed too obvious.

So here it is, laid out stark and exposed: my brand, Monkey & Mum.

In the last year my little family - a beautiful partner, a fluffy pooch and two self-assertive felines - were blessed with another addition... little Harry (at least this presumptuous plug is not totally unrelated to the title of this blog page!).

Whilst I embraced all the changes that the sweet smelling bundle of rolls brought into my life, there was one that I struggled with: the inability to wear my much loved jewellery!

Attempts to do so resulted in bead indentations in my chest from an all too snugly bubba, and a floor full of stray beads that had suffered the merciless tug of ten surprisingly strong podgy baby fingers.

Combine this with an inability to keep my inquisitive baby focused during his breast feeds and you have the story behind how and why I created Monkey & Mum.

Monkey & Mum is a collection of interesting and unique pieces which are soft, washable, and made from entirely natural products... they are designed for mums, but can be worn by anyone!

Please check out my necklaces and bracelets at: www.monkeyandmum.etsy.com

I promise I will never use Harry's page for such a shameless promotion again.

August 2, 2010
LOVE YOU MUM. I HOPE YOU'RE SICK AGAIN TOMORROW.Woke up and mummy was sick.

I'm still not sure exactly what 'sick' means. I tried to ask mummy when she was preparing my breakfast but she didn't say much, and when she did she sounded more like dad.

She didn't do her normal singing today either, but instead did these nose songs that reminded me of splash time in the bath. She sounded more out of tune than usual too.

At lunchtime mummy started muttering something about no baby fruit. The next thing I know we were at that place with all the colours and bright lights.

I don't know how mummy was still not smiling.

We went to a place that had more baby food than I had ever seen before. I think mummy got excited because she started nose singing again – but this time really loudly. Other mums thought she was so good that they stopped to watch her perform.

But this still didn't make mummy smile.

We went home and I got to eat the yummy food that mummy called 'devil food'. She said fruit isn't supposed to come from a jar, but I thought it tasted better than any of the stuff she has ever made for me. I decided it was not a good time to tell her this though.

I had an afternoon nap – a long one today because mummy asked me to – and when I woke I noticed the house looked different than usual. More fun. Like an extra large jungle gym with little obstacles all over the place.

When daddy came home mummy said 'sorry it's so messy'. I don't know what that word 'messy' means, but I think it must be the adult word for fun.

I'm not sure why mummy apologised, because I had a great afternoon trying to crawl over the fun piles on the floor. I am so close to crawling properly, and I really want to crawl before my buddy Alex does. There's this girl called Olivia who we're both trying to impress, but I'm pretty sure she likes me more anyway.

I'm lying in bed now ready for my big sleep, and I'm pretty chuffed with the day I've had.

I got to watch heaps of TV, go to the bright colourful place and eat yummy devil food, crawl through a giant jungle gym of fun piles, and listen to a new kind of nose song from my mummy.

I was sad for a while because mummy was not smiling much, but tonight when she put me into bed I gave her a big grinner and she gave me a chapped red smile back.

I love you mum. I hope you're sick again tomorrow.

July 27, 2010
BIRTHDAY CHEERS TO BABIES OVER BOURBON

Give me Harry over a bottle of bourbon any day.

As my birthday ticked nearer and plans for the day were laid, I couldn't help smile to myself as I began to plan my perfect birthday.

How perfection for me has changed over the years.

What once would have been a night drinking to oblivion and wondering post birthday why my right knee hurt so much and how I ended up with a stamp on my hand from a nightclub I'd never heard of, has turned into a pathetic soppy kind of happiness.

The kind of happiness that would make a passer by do a little vomit in their mouth.

The kind of happiness that I once believed was fictional - created by writers to make an overwhelming portion of the population feel inadequate and discontent with their lives.

The kind of happiness that when described, is greeted with a roll of the eyes, a raised eyebrow and an unwillingness to believe that anyone could derive that much satisfaction from a movie, a home cooked meal, and a baby.

Having ascertained the face you are most likely to exhibit upon reading this, perhaps take a moment now to breath, relax, and loosen those tightly constricted facial muscles.

It is really not that hard to believe.

Never have presents been so fun to open, than with the clumsy help of 10 podgy little baby boy fingers.

Never have I felt like I have accomplished more in a year, than now with the little life I created looking up at me from the floor.

Never has a birthday night been so enjoyable, than with my two boys to cuddle, a glass of wine to sip, a movie I couldn't stay awake for...

...and let's not forget a baby that sleeps through the night.

Cheers to another year.

July 18, 2010
THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, NOW SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT

To all those who judged me, please enjoy swallowing the bitter bile of your discontent.

Seven days ago I began controlled crying, and today baby, mum, and dad are well slept and sporting smiles that could make the sternest opposer doubt their conviction, if only for a second.

I have endured the darkness of those first few nights and come out at the glorious seven o'clock sun on the other side (yes, he now sleeps until seven!).

I won't lie, it was far from easy. I have tried it before and fallen short of the discipline needed to succeed, but like so many people had told me, it really is only a few nights in hell for a lifetime in heaven (here's hoping).

Harry knows the routine now - what times he has solids, a breastfeed and a nap. He is content knowing what comes next, and sleep is no longer a losing battle. The icing on the cake is he is very rarely tired now, which means our time together is spent giggling and playing rather than pacing hallways patting his bottom and listening to the pained cords of his cries.

To all those who remain sceptics, I understand. Up until seven days ago I too toyed with the idea that controlled crying was a brutally cruel concept created by sadistic baby haters.

Let me assure you, it's not.

Harry is happier now than he ever was, and has 12 uninterrupted hours of sleep a night! Dan and I have left the night walkers to there broken sleep and grumpy moods and are once again enjoying the blissful feeling that comes from snuggling into your warm bed and knowing you will not rise again until after the sun.

I know you won't believe me until you try, and supposing that you never do, please at least try to be kinder to the mother's that do.

At the end of the night we are all just trying to do the best for our bubs, it's just that for some of us those nights run a little smoother.

To all those tired mum's reading this and hating me, please know I understand how you feel. But after seven months of broken sleep and endless rocking, I think I've earned the right to gloat just a little.

Ok, I'm done now.

July 11, 2010
MY WAR ON SLEEP CONTINUES. MUM 1. HARRY 1.
Dear Harry, forgive me.

Imagine a plaster being ripped from an open wound. This is how much it hurt, and no, I'm not referring to labour.

Controlled crying. It saddens me to say, but last night we tried it. Seems an ironic name considering I was anything but controlled.

An hour and a half. Like a spur digging into my chest and twisting, each heart breaking cry made me whimper a little more. For an hour and a half my muscles scrunched up tighter and my thick choking breath grew heavy in my chest.

Poor Harry, I can only imagine what your little muscles must have felt like.

Every 10 minutes I ran to your room to comfort your cries and wipe the tears from your flushed cheeks, only to have to pull myself away a minute later. I lay face buried in the cushions as I willed the minutes to pass quickly so I could hold you once again.

For your own good I told myself. I was doing this for your own good.

Those cries did not say “mummy where are you?”, no they said “I want to sleep but I can't, mummy why can't I sleep?”.

Too many sleepless nights, and a sad little boy who fought shut eye to the tip of exhaustion and back is what led me to consider more drastic actions.

Actions for your own good my little Harry. I promise it was all for your own good.

To be able to shut your eyes with a smile on your face and an excited anticipation for the dreams that will follow, this is what I wanted to give you.

I used to curse the concept of control crying like so many of you out there will be cursing me now.

I endured it last night, and doubted my ability to ever do it again.

To my pleasant surprise as I carried my little boy to bed tonight, I noticed a smile on his face. He fell asleep in his cot without uttering a single cry.

Three hours later the house still sits in a strange silence, and I struggle to believe that my war with sleep is over. It could not have been that easy.

I hope that it was.

Until morning, goodnight and hopefully...sleep tight.